To think that the last blog post I wrote was on April 1st is kind of ironic, since I've finally decided to do that writer reveal. Most of you may have figured it out already, and I commend and apologize to you for doing so. The point of keeping my identity somewhat of a secret was to capture the magic of role play, for somebody to truly believe that the person on the other end was that character you so love. That magic, however, was gone the moment this quasi-hiatus of mine began.
In all honesty, school, work, my wedding, and poor mental health has really taken up my time and motivation to get onto Twitter. Another sense of irony, since I preached not to let such trivial things get in the way of what you love. I don't know if I have ever confided this to you, but as of April 2016 my dreams have died. I was going to school as a musician. My spring jury was the best I have ever performed, and my professor scheduled a lunch with me, and she told me she did this with all of her students. I thought it would be my plan of action for a music major. Instead, this meeting was scheduled to tell me that I am just too far behind in my playing, and that being a musician was an unrealistic goal for me. I stood up to her, and told her that even if they denied me the status, I would still take all the classes and do what I am supposed to so that way they would have to grant me the major status. It changed her tune a bit, and she agreed to work with me, but the experience of somebody that I looked up to telling me that I was basically garbage stuck with me, and continues to stick with me.
The cello was no longer something that I loved. It became an ever growing pain in my heart to pick up and play, because the haunting thoughts of not being good enough still chanted and chanted in my ears. I eventually came to the conclusion that these people were never going to grant me a major status, no matter how hard that I worked, so I transferred schools. The second school I went to told me that I couldn't get in as an instrumentalist, but to try the choir program to catch up with the curriculum. I did as I was told, and was denied entry. I transferred again, and met with an amazing cellist to see if he would give me the chance. He basically told me the same thing that my previous teacher told me, but said "I guess if you really want to, you can."
It broke my heart because nobody had faith in me. These much more experience people didn't see my potential, and I had to put in much more work and money I didn't have to learn from people that thought I just didn't happen.
So, I wrote a book.
My fiance took me by the hand, told me that I am an amazing writer, and with his creativity and my skill, we wrote and self-published our own book.
There have been a bit of bumps in the road, such as really bad editing on my part, cheesy language, and lack of page numbers, but now the final cover art is on there, my book is up to par, and I'm in love. I am so in love with the characters and the world they live in. Everything about this piece of art has been so much more than I could ever imagine conjuring. I don't care how many professors, critics, or even readers don't like it, I love this book, and I'm going to work hard to make sure that it stays up on the pedestal I have put it on.
I guess that's where you guys come in.
I know I have failed you as Ciel Phantomhive. I have failed a lot of you. But I beg that all of you take this amazing journey with me, and give me one more chance to help you find that little bit of magic that cause me to role play to begin with. I also know that I might be giving myself a bit too much praise, and that I wasn't an important role player as I thought. I just really need a fan base, and I didn't know who else to turn to except the people who helped me become a better writer and person to begin with.
I'll admit, I let the character of Ciel get to my head. I became arrogant, self-centered, and prideful as I realized that some people liked who I was. I was really rude to some people, and hell I even slaughtered them on this blog like I was some sort of entitled dictator! That wasn't the way to be, and the more I got to know so many of you, I realized how I wrong I have been, and I want to make it all up to you by taking your money.
I'm joking, even though it's a little bit true.
I promise, no, I solemnly swear that I will not waste your time with this upcoming book series. I swear to inspire you in turn for inspiring me. And when this whole thing takes off to greater heights, I swear I will take you with me. No artist in this world can function without the people backing them up, and whatever you will request of me, I will do my best to make it happen.
I love every single one of you, and the two and a half years I've been on here have been the greatest.
Even if I did forget to celebrate Ciel's birthday.
Before the big reveal, I have a few other things to reveal as well.
@LordCiel16 (if that is still your name) no words can form the apology that you deserve. Yes, I stole your Sebastian from you because I thought I was some self-entitled dictator. I was your friend, I am your friend, and I still did something horrible to you. I hope we can meet in person someday, since you are about twenty minutes away from me, and that I can fulfill any wish of yours, and make up for what I did to you. You've always been sweet to me and I have enjoyed your company profusely. I certainly hope that one day you could tolerate mine.
@meyrinmichaelis you deserve an apology as well. I have not only failed you as a master, but as a lover. Yes, I am your beloved Sebastian. I hated how nobody would role play with you, so I wanted to fulfill that part and let you live your dream. Instead, I barely logged on and left you saddened. I am so sorry, and I'm sorry for lying to you, but as I previously stated, I wanted to capture the magic, and you may have thought it a bit weird to be in love with your young master. I did enjoy you tucking me in almost every night, and for the sweet dates and adventures we went on. Maybe I could find the time and continue to make you happy, unless you've found somebody else. You have been through so much, and deserve so much more. I hope you can find true happiness someday.
(@LordCiel16 I am also sorry for failing you as a butler)
To all the Lizzies I went through, I'm sorry I went through you. I'm sorry for breaking up with you, or not wanting to fulfill certain role plays with you. I'm a bit of an odd duck, but that wasn't your fault. It was never your fault, but mine.
@nishkaxx you have become my greatest friend and I am so happy to have met you through this account. You have dried more tears than any of my real life friends could. You continue to make me laugh, and continue to make my life an absolute dream. I swear I'm coming to see you some day, and I swear it with all of my heart.
And last, but never least, @MangaButler. It's because of you that I wanted to become the greatest Ciel of all time. You were the one that showed me the magic, and all of the great things role playing could do for me. I've never been so honored to form a contract with you. You were practically a celebrity in my eyes, and hell you still are. I miss that we haven't been in contact, and I'm so sorry that I failed you as a master as well. You are one of my greatest friends as well and I would be literally nothing without you. You are amazing.
For the record, I'm not exactly quitting role playing, but I am still continuing my break because this book is what I need to focus on right now.
Wow.
I never thought I would be doing this so soon.
I pictured some sort of Funtom empire with all of you eating bonbons by my side.
Maybe this book will be the empire, and I'll build a castle, and all of you can come eat bonbons and watch movies
and eat pizza!
I love all of you, I truly do.
Copy and paste the link to see my name and photo.
Until we meet again~
https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B0754ZSP6S&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_QoStAbNTE3HCT
