Bottling

Hello my pawns.

Nothing interesting really happened today.

Well, nothing I'll admit to.

Although my admin did have a run in with a depression episode,

And it appears they weren't the only one.

It seems like a lot of people had a rough day today.

While I was talking to a good friend of mine, they said that it's never good to bottle, and to always go to someone when you need to just vent.

It really made me feel good inside to know that I have someone looking out for me and support where I least expect it.

I want you know you can always go to me and that you do have friends where you least expect them. You even have family that can help you as well.

We're all family here actually.

Sorry for the short post, I'm just very tired tonight. I'll make sure to learn something interesting for you tomorrow.

In the meantime,

Be my pawn and not Izaya Orihara's.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

I'm Home

Hello my pawns.

Please pardon my recent absence. My writer insisted we participate in the "Comic Con," so naturally I was dragged along.

There were a lot of strange people there.

Especially people dressed like me!!!

And people dressed like me wearing a dress!

What a bunch of weirdos...

My writer must have felt right at home.

Anyway, I've been pondering about things to share with you during my absence.

My writer was reunited with once of their best friends and was able to spend time with them at comic con.

It was great to see their smile again, but on the third day they were absent, so my writer's parent went in their stead.

It was honestly their favorite day, spending it with their parent, and it made me think of my own.

 

My own father and mother reached out to me on Twitter.

I'm having a hard time trusting them since I made a deal with a demon to avenge them.

I can hardly believe their really there and I feel like I should reach out,

But my writer is in a similar situation.

They don't want to reach out to their biological family...and I didn't really know why until now.

A lot of you have considered me like your own sibling on this website, and I truly feel honored that you feel close to me in that sense.

I realized that, I don't need the past to feel complete.

I may have a family that is waiting for me to reach out to them, but they are stuck in the past.

The people I have now are much more important

Because they accept me for me, regardless of my attitude,

Because they always do kind things when I don't deserve them,

And

Because they are the ones that are currently with me when I thought I was completely alone.

I have people all over the globe that have helped me get through the hatred and anger my writer channels through me, and I can honestly see some improvements.

They have their days when it gets too hard, like today, but then I talked to people that I love more than my own woes.

Basically, you are my family.

I've never met any of you, but you are my Twitter family.

And you're all important to me.

Yes, I have my days where I judge and get mad and say things I don't mean,

But I swear,

It's because one person ruined my life and my views.

I know you can help me find myself again, even if it means pretending to be someone else.

I'm also very grateful to have reached 500 followers~

I have done a Q&A to celebrate.

I will still take questions and you can ask as many as you'd like.

Until tomorrow my pawns,

Keep fighting for your king.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

A Quick Update

Salutations.

Sorry I wasn't on today.

I just wanted to be by myself.

My writer received some...stressful news that made them rather upset, so they obviously tend to lash out through me and I felt it would be best to log off for the day.

I'll continue RP's when I can because I will be out of town the next few days.

So I may be available only mornings and nights.

Again I'm truly sorry, but it isn't like people depend on me or anything like that.

I still feel it is necessary to apologize.

Um...

I'm sorry that I have nothing to say...

I just hope that another door will open for me soon.

And for all of you as well.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Expectations

I literally did nothing but stay glued to Twitter all day.

By now my butler will be saying I'm addicted,

But he won't because I'll shoot him.

What to say,

What to say?

There isn't a whole lot I could say because everything I do has been offensive.

I didn't want to do a particular RP today and the user blocked me.

I mean honestly...

But I guess the one thing I've been preaching all day is to do what you want do and not what other people expect you to do.

Say what you want.

Do what you want.

You're entitled to your own opinions

Opinions that aren't yours aren't entitled to you.

It's much easier said than done,

But what you think is important now won't be important in the end.

What is important though is what you want to do.

The only person that can stop you is yourself.

Yes, life can throw some terrible curveballs at us,

But what matters is how you react to those situations.

Are you going to swing anyway?

Or drop your bat?

If you strike out,

Then there's always another inning.

While I lost one follower,

I gained 450 others.

I'm grateful for you all.

I'll give you a treat if you all help me reach 500 though~

Don't forget to make your King proud my pawns.

And prayers for @MangaButler.

Something came up this evening so we need to be supportive right now.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

An Okay Day

My writer will take over this one.

When I woke up this morning, I should have been in a pitiful mood.

But, I wasn't.

I should have been angry, depressed, and crazy,

But, I wasn't.

I was actually in a good mood.

Breakfast wasn't bad.

I finished my studies early.

I sipped my tea and watched Finnian and his friend try to tame an angry Pluto.

I spoke to some new followers, socialized with old ones, and had an..."interesting" DM with Sebastian~

Everything was fine.

Then, I came across some things that irritated me. I started to feel annoyed and moody. I started taking my anger out on others, and then it hit me.

I started to have a bad day when I let the bad things get to me.

I guess that's why my writer made me in the first place, to distract them from all the bad things that can easily ruin their day.

It doesn't take much.

Something as simple as seeing a resemblance to someone they hate in the mirror is all it takes some days.

And then I realized something I should've realized years ago.

We can't control our triggers.

We can't control the memories, the pain, or the anxiety.

We can control our environment and choices, but it only does so much.

I strongly feel that a lot of you needed to read my blog from yesterday, and I'm still not sorry I posted it because there are people that need to hear it.

But, I ended up targeting my anger towards people that literally can't climb out of the darkness no matter how hard they try.

You see, someone lied to me once.

They told me all of these bad things that were happening to them, and I believed every word and told a lot of people so there could be awareness and prevention of a similar situation. About a week after sacrificing my time, giving that person a place in my own home, and fighting for them with all my might, they basically told me that everything they said was exaggerated.

Things weren't that bad for them.

They made it sound so much worse than it actually was.

And they denied some of the things I brought up too.

So for all I know, what they said could've been made up.

And I loved them.

I really, really loved them.

Now the only feeling I have left for them is hatred.

I hate their parents,

I hate their siblings,

I hate everything that reminds me of them.

And I regret ever helping them and being made a fool of.

But apparently, I still am foolish if I continue to let them blind me.

In January, one of my closest friends attempted suicide, and I didn't even know until weeks after it happened.

They had been sexually abused,

They cut horrible words onto their body,

And I wasn't there.

I wasn't there for my best friend.

I failed her when she needed me the most...

For those who are thinking that I don't know you or what you've been through, I do know.

I've seen it all too many times before.

I just forgot that there are true and genuine people out there, and not everything they say is a lie.

But, whether you're truly suffering or not, everyone has to get over their woes at some point.

Two years ago, I had the worst anxious/depressing period of my entire life. It was the first time I felt truly hopeless. But one day, I had the guts to swallow my pride, and I miraculously felt better.

If I had done that immediately, I wouldn't have had to suffer that pain.

But I needed to.

You see, sometimes in order to experience true happiness, we need to experience total misery and complete loneliness.

In order to be molded into a better, stronger person, we need to allow our hearts to soften.

And you have to be young and stupid to be old and wise.

I also want to say that if you ever feel like I hate you or that you're bothering me,

I swear you're not.

And I only really hate two people.

In fact, I love hearing from all of you.

And I will literally drop everything to be there when you need help.

Before deciding on being an English major, I planned on going into psychiatry.

I was researching different mental health cases when I came across one in a class presentation. This one girl suffered from bullemia. It was by far the worst case I've ever seen. In the video, she was in tears about how much it hurt, and that every doctor she visited told her that's she's basically "incurable."

The moment I heard those words,

I decided that no one should ever hear them ever again.

Whatever you may be dealing with, you are not a lost cause.

You are worth so much more than I could possibly express in words, and I cannot say it enough to just never give up.

I know some of you probably aren't religious, but I am.

I literally pray so hard for a lot of my followers, and I don't even know them.

I don't know any of you, but each and every one of your lives is precious to me. I can't express it enough.

The thought of losing just one of you to a battle everyone says you can't win literally kills me.

I promise, I will be the one right here telling you that you will win it. I have no doubts that you can do it, and no desire to break that promise.

Always DM me if you have something you can't deal with on your own, or if you simply want to talk.

Never stop RPing. Like I said, it's an escape, it's a distraction, and it's meant to make people happy. There is nothing I want more than a smile on your face, and for me to allow myself to be soft once more.

There is a light and dark side to every person,

Learn to love every side of you, and it will be easier to love everything else.

Goodnight my loyal pawns.

Remember, if you make it to the end of the chessboard, 

You can become a more powerful piece.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Welcome~

Hello, 

Welcome to my Twitter page.

I'm the Earl of Phantomhive.

If you are reading this, then you should know this is a post about my rules on Twitter. They go as follows:

1. I only follow back if you talk to me, and if you talk to me and aren't following me, I won't follow you. You have to follow me first.

2. Everything I say and do outside of ( ) or // unless sarcasm is implied is all RP. Don't be offended by anything I say. It isn't personal, it is meant to be an act. I am strict about remaining in character.

3. If you wish to RP, ask first. Don't jump into the middle of any of my RP's because sometimes they are meant to be specifically between me and one other person. Unless you ask or if the starter says #OpenRP, I ask that you do not butt in.

4. NO YAOI OR YURI. I don't do romance RPs with anyone either. I feel it's out of character. I will also do no RPs that are sexual or sexually harassing. There are boundaries that aren't meant to be crossed and these are some of those boundaries. If you want intercourse, write a fanfiction.

5. My writer is generally kind. So if you have some RL/Twitter problems or need to get something off your chest, talk to them in DM, they will help you. I, on the other hand, will judge you.

6. If you piss me off, I won't be quiet about it. Usually I'm pretty lenient, but I won't lie. If I don't like something you said or disapprove of your behavior, I will say something.

7. I will now be unavailable most Sunday's. Unless there is an emergency, alert me through DM. Other than that, I am completely offline.

Rules for Fan Theory Friday:

1. Everyone that violates these rules will receive "strikes." I understand that discussions can get very heated and it happens, but if it gets out of hand, the people involved will each get one strike. Should you receive three strikes, you are no longer allowed to participate in Fan Theory Friday and will be blocked by this account. 

2. Everyone has the option to be on probation though, so they may be unblocked after a few weeks or so after the initial blogpost. If you are put on probation three times, then you will be blocked indefinitely.

3. You either agree or disagree with the fan theory. If you call the theory or opinions behind it stupid, ridiculous, or anything else meant to be offensive, you will receive a strike.

4. If you personally call someone participating in Fan Theory Friday something offensive, you will receive a strike. If the offended person says something offensive back, both people will receive a strike.

5. Strikes will be given out sparingly, so if there is an argument getting out of hand, we will resolve it through DM before deciding if there shall be any penalties.

6. Should you have a request for Fan Theory Friday, DM me. Also include any photos that you feel is appropriate enough to support the theory. Theory requests will be first come first serve, so don't freak out if your theory isn't published right away.

7. Fan theories are not limited to kuroshitsuji. They can be from other animes, movies, TV shows, Disney, or anything your little heart desires.

8. In order to give your opinion on the theory, comment on the blog link shared on TWITTER. Don't make your comments on blogspot.

9. Fan Theory Friday is a way to connect with the one another in this Twitter community. So just have fun with it and don't get butthurt over something you don't like. If you don't enjoy it, don't participate in it.

10. Also, Fan Theory Friday discussions aren't "closed." So you can comment years after that post if you desire to.

These are my rules. If you simply don't like them you don't have to talk to me. RP is meant to be fun. It's a chance for people to interact with their favorite characters and to let go of reality for a little while. If I cross a line or offend you, alert me through DM. I won't know if I hurt your feelings if you don't tell me. My goal is to be the best Ciel Phantomhive there is, and if I don't live up to your expectations, then I have failed you.

Enjoy your stay here at the Phantomhive estate~

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Sebastian: @MangaButler

Lizzie: @LadyErizubesu

Mey-Rin: @meyrinmichaelis

Finny: @phantomgardener

Bardroy: @Smoke_N_Bombs

Snake: @HebiNoChokyoshi

Tanaka: @ElderChibi

(Courtesy of @Wendy_Doll2)

Cry Me A River

If you think you're the only one with problems in this world,

You're in for a rude awakening.

Quit crying for attention.

Quit lashing out at others.

Quit pushing away the ones that actually care about you!

I've seen and lived some dark days, but I don't complain about it every minute of every day.

Just be glad you have an education, a roof over your head, and people you can actually call your family.

As we speak, people are starving, dying for their faith, being killed for having an opinion, and terrified that they will never see tomorrow.

Do you know how lucky you are?

You have doctors and adults you can talk to if you need help while others have to basically buck up and deal with it.

I won't coddle anymore.

I've learned the hard way that coddling never works.

But when I say I care, I definitely will drop everything to make sure you're safe.

And you sure as hell better care about me.

If you don't,

Then don't blame me for getting my feelings hurt.

Quit being so caught up in yourself and think about your actions.

If you think leaving or dying is the answer, it isn't!

All people want is for you to be okay!

Why can't you understand that?

And threatening things like "suicide" and "running away" isn't a joke.

It's not funny and isn't taken lightly.

Last year, three girls committed suicide over the summer.

I'm not saying they were cowards or that they gave up.

I'm saying that once you do it, you can't get it back,

And it's absolutely devastating.

Be warned:

If you say one thing about committing suicide, I will report you faster than a heart beat.

I don't care if you block me.

I don't care if you tell your followers how stupid and inconsiderate I am.

I'd rather have everyone in the world hate me than to see you die.

So the next time you hate everything, think about what your life is really like.

I bet it isn't as bad as you think.

Trust me, I know what it means to have a sucky life.

And I've found that there is no such thing as one.

You know what would make you feel better?

Start worrying about other people's problems instead of your own.

Get over yourself.

Ciel Phantomhive

Writer's Note

Sorry I didn't post a blog last night,

I just didn't have anything to write about. 

However, my writer does have a few words.

Unfortunately, they are slowly taking over my mind.

May as well get this over with.

Guys,

A lot of you have felt offended by my behavior lately.

And I want you to know that anything I do is RP. I'm mean, bratty, or any other bad word you can think of is all apart of me being in character.

My goal had always been to be the perfect Ciel Phantomhive, and that will never cease.

But when I'm not in character, you will definitely know it.

And this is who my character is when I'm not Ciel.

I am kind.

I will never say a harsh word to you or look down on you. I've been through a crap ton and watch others go through hard times as well. If I say something that sounds rude, I insist that I don't mean it at all. Everything I say is meant to be a compliment and to raise you up.

I am understanding.

I've taken child development, psychology, seen doctors and have lived through my own conditions. There is no one that understands more or is more accommodating than me.

And I love you.

I've only hated a select few in my life, other than that, I really do love all of you. My heart is full and is compassionate towards all of you. When you think the world is against you and that you are alone and hated, I will always be there next to you, by your side and full of love for you.

I'm also shy, easily intimidated, sensitive, and cautious.

Those things are completely out of my control.

So when I am out of my comfort zone, I will be upfront and say so.

It isn't because I hate you or anything, it's because I just literally can't do what you ask of me.

I especially want to apologize for anyone I may have called out on with previous blog posts. I wanted to keep you as memories and examples, and never thought less of you, but as I look back it wasn't very kind of me.

I'm truly sorry.

It's been rough lately. 

It's not an excuse for my behavior, but, I feel like I get mad easier and frustrated more often.

I feel like it's because of a situation I faced over the summer, but I need to be better and to remember my love for others.

I hope you can forgive me.

...

Okay, that was cute.

Anyway, thank you all for attending my ball tonight, it was a success and it was quite enjoyable.

Also, my butler has been sick, so make sure you pay him your regards.

Now, I leave you with this,

Don't ever read, do homework, or anything else in Pegsoon's music class.

She expects you to sit there, do nothing, and listen...

Be good.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Foolish Behavior

To all who is reading this, I just have one piece of advice for you tonight~

Don't be stupid.

I've been watching a lot of people get into huge fights on here and they are really over nothing.

So, ask yourselves whenever you get mad,

"Is what they said really that offensive?"
"Did they mean to offend me?"
"Is this person worth more than my pride?"

It's all so simple.

And one more thing.

I've been watching a lot of NBC lately.

I know a lot of us find a lot of great friends on social media.

I have made so many and I honestly hope to meet some of them in real life one day.

But guys, be smart about it.

For example,

DON'T GIVE AWAY YOUR PHONE NUMBER OVER THE INTERNET TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW!!!

Have you guys SEEN Durarara?

If you have, then you know Izaya Orihara is waiting to push you off of a building.

And it happened because they got a little "too trusting."

If you want to meet your new friends, here's what you do:

1. Meet in a public place with lots of people. Don't go off with them by yourself, and provide your own rides. Don't ever get into a car with someone you don't know.

2. If you wish to continue seeing each other and hanging out, give each other a good reason to trust one another. Besides, "Actions Speak Louder Than Words."

3. Carry mace.

It's not that I don't trust any of my new "friends," it's just we need to look out for each other, and most importantly, ourselves. The world isn't "kicks and giggles." There is real danger out there and I know a lot of you are still pretty young.

Young meaning under eighteen.

You just never know what is hidden behind the screen.

Now that I'm done with my lecture, I have a treat for you all.

As you all know, I have reached 400 followers.

In celebration, I desire to throw a ball.

This ball will take place through DM and will last as long as you guys want it to.

I will tweet the morning of the event asking for names of those that desire to be added to the DM.

I haven't had the best of luck with balls in the past, but I'm determined to make this one worth while.

Anyway, I apologize for the harsh words at the beginning of this post, but don't forget which king you serve.

And you always obey the word of your king, my tiny pawns.

Until tomorrow~

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

P.S. Happy Birthday @Bbv_aka_vero

A Little Too Friendly

You won't believe the luck my butler and I have had these past two days.

First, we find Snake, Lau, and Ranmao

And today, we came across Prince Soma and Agni!

Honestly, this "social media" is actually doing its job.

Perhaps this will be worth while.

Now if only Bardroy and Tanaka would make a Twitter...

Like I said, let me know if you are of interest.

Today was sort of...interesting.

I've been inactive for the most part due to my writer having "school" and "studying," but I've spent a lot of time with my butler today.

I don't know, he feels like he's been out of character today and I've been becoming a little lax in our DMs,

But I have to admit that it was rather nice.

We exchanged more RP ideas, made plans for more accounts, and laughed at...well we laughed at really dumb things.

I guess I kind of realized something about myself that I didn't really expect.

Yes, RP had become an important aspect of my life as far as finding a new passion,

But it seems more enjoyable when you have a partner to share the experience with.

Now Manisha get your panties out of a wad,

There is no yaoi.

But, a relationship among fellow RP-ers seems to make the roleplay that much more meaningful and exciting.

In fact, I hope that maybe something will develop among my staff, butler, and I. Maybe I will know what it's like to have a family again...

For now, message your favorite RP-er or RP partner.

Now go on, don't be shy.

Tell them that you appreciate their company, your favorite memory of them, and that you look forward to many days to come.

I know it's hard to give compliments,

Believe me,

I know, 

But I guess I'll make an exception this time.

Then again...I hope none of us ever become a little too friendly...

Whatever.

Farewell for now.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

God Modding

Today was...annoying.

I called Alois Trancy a brat because he is and someone got mad at me! They interupted, that's what they did. And then I told Sebastian to kill them because they were bugging me and they went on and on about how all powerful they are and that they cannot be killed and blah blah blah!

I was pretty miffed.

And then I learned that what they were doing is called "God modding," which is like being an all powerful RP being.

Is this a post to bash them?

Well knowing me, probably,

But knowing my writer, it isn't.

After this whole fiasco I put some thought into the character and realized that the person they created is actually okay. I mean they have hair that looks like outer space and can turn into an outer space cat. I thought it was really creative.

However,

You can't be perfect because apparently "no one is perfect."

I'll be honest, it ruins RP a little bit. I didn't have any fun. I know they did because they couldn't be touched, but after a while I got bored.

There was only one way and it was their way.

In RP, the characters work together to make a plot.

It makes it fun for everybody.

Also, this goes for a lot of you, don't interrupt somebody's RP!

Unless it says "Open RP," don't just randomly join.

Maybe they want it just to be specifically between three characters and not fifteen.

I'll admit that sometimes I will jump in on an RP because I'm Ciel Phantomhive and I can do what I want, but really, it's courteous to ask first.

I'm not bashing anyone or targeting people, and if you feel offended DM me on Twitter,

I'm just sharing my own opinion and my judgements between right and wrong.

On a lighter note.

Today we found Snake, Lau, and Ran-Mao on Twitter.

We almost have a full Black Butler "family."

All we really need now are mainly Tanaka and Bard, but a Prince Soma, Agni, and anyone else you can think of would be wonderful.

Before I conclude, a shoutout to @HallyErin493

She got me flowers.

Such a darling little angel, why can't all of you be more like her?

Anyway, I've had enough socializing for today.

Until next time~

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

My Horrible Day

It seems that my last post managed to help a lot of people. I'm glad that they had a better day.

Unfortunately, I didn't.

First, some Artemis brat beat me in chess and tried to drug me,

Second, my butler made some stupid crack video instead of serving me cake,

And third, I lost important paperwork for my company and had to improvise.

How attrocious!

However, it all seemed to work out for my writer. Apparently they enjoyed RP with that brat, and watching that dumb video, however we both didn't like losing the paperwork.

I don't understand them.

What's even stranger is that a different Ciel Phantomhive thinks that they are INTERESTING!

MY writer, INTERESTING!

I looked outside to see if the apocalypse had come, but it never did.

...I guess something good did come of that after all.

I have made a lot of new acquaintances and managed to get closer to the ones I already have. I will never admit to having friends, but for some reason I'm beginning to enjoy the company of my followers.

Especially Sebastian. 

He's always gone above and beyond for my writer and the past few days he has been especially generous.

I don't think I could come up with the words to show how truly grateful my writer is.

I expect this because it's his job, which he apparently struggles with doing sometimes.

Whatever.

Also, before I make my conclusion, I am still looking for a Bard, Snake, and Tanaka. A Prince Soma, Agni, and Lau wouldn't be so bad either.

So if you're interested, DM either me or Sebastian.

Now, in conclusion,

Everyone has at least one friend, whether or not we admit it is our choice, but it's true. There's always that one person who's company we enjoy above everyone else, and while we encounter our trials, they are the first person we go to.

And those who struggle with their family, I really really encourage you to reach out to them. If you think they hate you, they don't. If you are feeling degraded, offended, or depressed by their actions, you need to be upfront and say something about it. It may cause a fight, but the risk of having a few minutes of yelling and a happy ending is better than dealing with misery and hatred.

Families are there for support and love, so I guarantee that no matter what, they love you.

In fact, I think I'd rather have a family I struggle to get along with instead of not having one at all.

In the end, we all have at least someone we can go to for trust and support, even if you can't think of one, come to me. My writer is friendly and loves to help people.

I on the other hand, will judge you.

But I guess it doesn't matter what I think if my writer is the one acting for me.

Idiot.

Anyway, today, try and look for one person to go to with your burdens. A true friend will bear them with you no matter what because it's you they are supporting. If you don't have anyone, try and make a new friend. Just walk up to a random person and say hi. It's possible. My writer can barely order food from a restaurant without panicking (they're shy) but they can muster up the courage to introduce themselves.

And with that, they've probably made some friends for life.

My point is that while you feel entirely alone, you're not.

You don't have to face life on your own when you have others who want to walk that path with you.

Good luck in your endeavors today, pawns.

Don't disappoint your King.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

Who We Are

I'm so mad.

My stupid butler threw me into a lake.

He was trying to "teach me a life skill."

Well, it worked,

I'm never making anymore demon contracts as long as I live.

We were getting along so well this morning too...

Anyway, my writer had a fun day with their family. They struggled a little bit with their health but they managed to have a good outing.

I'm doing this blog a little bit early tonight because I want to be sure you all see this.

Stop it.

Stop degrading yourselves.

Stop getting upset over little RP situations.

Stop feeling like your worthless because, believe it or not, your life actually has value.

I didn't make a Twitter account to watch you all deteriorate in front of me. I hate to break it to you, but life doesn't change. What happens to us happens to us. You know what makes it better? How you react to it.

If you don't like your situation.

Then take action and change it.

You don't like how people treat you,

Take action and change it.

If you're tired, stressed, heartbroken, or confused,

TAKE ACTION AND CHANGE IT!

Who we are isn't defined by what life does to us.

It's defined on how we react to them.

Who do you want to be?

If you hate yourself,

Do something about it instead of complaining.

Crying and complaining get you nowhere,

But making an effort to start anew is a step in the right direction.

What is the right direction?

It's the path you choose for yourself.

Now, @ilovemohLogan

Play that "Do it" video.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Demons

What another attrocious day.

First my writer feels humiliated in their class,

And then the anxiety acts up.

Nothing could be worse.

However, I found myself talking to a follower with similar issues as my own writer. Then we got on the subject of schizophrenic art. How horrible it must be to conjure frightening images onto paper. Not just any images, but images replayed over and over in the mind that cannot be controlled.

Then I started thinking.

Just as I control my demon butler, I can control the demons that haunt me.

My reactions, my daily way of life, and my attitude all make up how my day will go. The contract I have with the demons in my mind is that in exchange for my soul, I  grow resistant to their power.

For example, some people deal with anxiety, schizophrenia, autism, and many other things for the rest of their lives, hence the soul exchange. However, the resistance my writer has grown personally is a lot stronger that it was five years ago.

It begins by embracing your problems. 

If you are playing a violin, you can't hear your mistakes unless you play loud enough. There's always the fear of criticism and humiliation when you play a ridiculously loud, off key note, but doesn't the same thing happen when you have a panic attack in the middle of class?

The more you bottle, the more tension you feel building up inside, but once you say to yourself "okay, I'm having a panic attack, instead of holding onto it, why don't I release a little tension here and there?"

How do you release tension?

You talk with friends, you read, or you follow your passions.

Reading, writing, calculus, art, biology, and many more have the capacity to affect someone depending on where your interests fall.

Don't let the demons and horrible life scenarios run your way of living.

You are the master those demons serve. 

Until next time my pawns~

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Idiots

Another day,

Full of idiots.

Honestly, I've met some of the dumbest people ever since my writer started a new school.

That should make Sebastian feel a lot better.

Speaking of Sebastian, I feel we have reached that point in our mutualism where there are no longer any secrets. That endless amount of teasing has always been there, but now, there is absolutely no shame when we say something stupid.

In fact,

We say stupid things to each other every day.

I should feel absolutely humiliated and want to run off the face of the Earth, but now I just don't care.

It's nice to share a trait with my writer once in a while. They couldn't care less how people view them, and when they become really acquainted or used to someone, they become lax around them and say things that probably shouldn't be said.

At least I'm still smarter than them and remember to have class once in a while.

Anything you can learn from this?

Well first of all, I will never stop judging the stupid.

And second,

It's okay to have those moments once in a while.

You see, everyone has a side to them that they prefer to keep a secret, yet we crave sharing it with at least somebody. 

I know what you're thinking, you have secrets you don't want anybody to know about. But haven't you ever shared them with just one person and felt the world just lighten up on your shoulders just a little bit? 

Today, look for that one person you can go to about anything. There's something about just sharing secrets to just them that brings forth an unexplainable satisfaction.

Now don't jump to conclusions. 

Just because Sebastian and I are able to talk freely outside of RP it doesn't mean we have developed "affection" towards one another.

Besides, I can't really fall in love when I just about hate everybody.

Wow, my writer managed to contradict this entire blogpost with one sentence.

Just, make friends okay?

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Just Another Day

Today was...interesting.

This morning began with an argument with Alois Trancy and some girl named Madison. Honestly, they think my butler is too obsessed with cats and that he does naughty things with them. Even though he's a demon, I don't think even he would stoop that low.

As far as obsessed,

I found out he has 51 cats.

I'm going to kill him.

Whatever, I don't have time for his silly charades tonight.

I am quite satisfied with my Finny candidate. I think he will make a great addition to the Phantomhive staff. So far it's just me, Sebastian, Mey-Rin, and the new Finny, so I still have a need of a Bard, Tanaka, and Snake.

It also wouldn't hurt to have a Prince Soma, Agni, or Lau.

So if anyone is interested, please DM either me or Sebastian Michaelis on Twitter. (@EarlofSweets13 and @MangaButler)

That's all that really happened today.

Of course I have a moral to this story as well.

While my writer was driving to school, a sad song came on the radio. To be honest, I think that they think too much and surround themselves with unnecessary misery. It may be in character for me to be miserable, but, not for them. So after they continued their daily routine of driving an hour each way to school, they came back and found presents from their parents.

And to be honest, they were overjoyed.

It was like that sadness never existed at all today. And then, a few of my acquaintances wanted to have a little "slumber party." I obviously didn't want to participate because I'm a male, but, they insisted. I also had my butler join so I wouldn't feel so awkward. We played Truth or Dare for a few hours and to be honest, it was kind of fun. Tormenting other people always helps me relieve some stress, while my writer was just happy to let loose.

So I guess we all have our days when all of the sadness just builds up and the anger kindles inside of us. I don't think it's a bad idea to just step away from all of that for a while. My writer escapes through music, art, hanging out with friends, and believe it or not, Twitter.

There's something about this whole roleplaying experience that makes my writer finally feel like there is no pain to turn to, and that whatever pain that I feel is all an act. So, I encourage you to find something you're passionate about. Lots of frustrations occur throughout the day, and instead of yelling at them and awkwardly slapping the steering wheel because you're too afraid to honk the horn and get shot, pull over to a friend's house or order your butler to make some tea. Hopefully then, things will gradually become better for all of you.

Now, I must go.

I have to make a phone call to animal control.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

A Few Kind Words, Just A Few

*Sigh*

What a day.

First my writer wakes up sicker than me in the winter, then they get some tragic news that leaves them in shock.

Today was a little bit of a struggle for them.

I however, had a great day.

I finally reached 300 Twitter followers, and I can't express how truly grateful and excited I am.

RP becomes more and more important to me everyday. I meet new people and somehow manage to break into a smile every now and then. It's become a new passion of mine.

While my writer's parents are throwing them that they have a Twitter addiction, I'm learning how to change lives and make people feel happy.

Because for some strange reason some people like it when I am mean.

I don't have a whole lot to say tonight but I do want to make a shoutout to some important followers of mine. Without them, my writer wouldn't be here and I would have never been a thought in their mind. I'm truly grateful for all of you. I don't have time to write individual messages, but I hope you will know the important role you play in my game.

Goodnight my pawns, and do have sweet dreams.

Make the most strategic moves for your king.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

 Follow:

@MangaButler

@LordCiel16

@meyrinmichaelis

@kenzielivingst1

@ilovemohlogan

@AloisTwancy

@ElizabethCute14

@cuteblackbutler

@AngelCandy_45

@Nishkaxx

@shasta_sunshine

@HallyErin493

@undertaker_shin

@WendyDoll2

@ilovecarah223

@Bbv_aka_vero

@YourEarlTrancy

@CrimsonGrellxXx

@sonofakishin

Thank you for the memories 

I can't wait to make more!

"Friends"

Have you ever looked someone in the eye and just flat out said "I hate you"?

Well

I have, but not my writer. 

Why does this matter?

Well, last night a big fight broke out on Twitter, and it all started when someone basically said "the disabled are weak."

At that moment,

My writer wanted to shout those three words,

My butler wanted him off the face of the Earth,

And I realized how pointless it is to hate someone so much you wish they were dead.

My situation is different. I feel death is something they deserve, but to want someone to die so you don't have to deal with them just won't work.

You wish to never see them again, but you'll be forever haunted by hatred.

They will never truly go away as long as you hate them, and unfortunately if you hold onto it for too long, it becomes you.

All you are is a body full of hatred.

My writer claims to love and like everyone, but hating certain people has influenced their decisions and logic. It's human nature to hate,

But it's also human nature to love.

My butler reached 900 Twitter followers today. I couldn't be prouder to be honest. To celebrate, he had a huge DM party. He was able to get to know a small portion of his followers, and even get some tongue from Izaya Orihara. Then again, he also forgot to make me dinner.

Idiot.

However, I remember how upset he was last night that he lost one of his favorite followers. I just want to say that while he lost one, today he celebrated 900 others. So, I guess whenever you lose both your parents, all of your friends, or even your sanity, there is always someone to fall back on, and that was the first time I realized that Sebastian is that one person I'll always have.

And, surprisingly,

He has me too.

Now don't ship us or expect some sort of YAOI crap. He's asexual and I'm engaged.

I know those sound like excuses, but I'd rather say those than something rude that can pop into my head.

Anyway, pawns, please get a good nights rest tonight. It was a three day weekend for some of us and unfortunately that ends tomorrow. 

Until then, find that one person you'll always have.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

Behind the Screen

My name is Ciel Phantomhive, if you don't know that much, well, never mind.

My writer is nothing like me. They are constantly happy and just flat out weird. In fact, it's quite entertaining to RP with their personal account. Only few know who they really are, one being a good friend from New Zealand, the other being my butler. I only told them today which felt quite strange.

I should've just told him I'm really Kira.

It didn't feel like the truth, although it was.

Maybe it's because my writer's "personal account" becomes less personal every day. They make a character that's supposed to always be joyful, to never be offended, and to be "funny."

To be honest, it's who they want to be, not really who they are.

If anything, they take more to me. They may be this person to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the pain inside is something I can relate to.

Losing something you can never get back hurts,

But

Living a life that is an illusion is a slap in the face.
No, their life hasn't had a drastic change, but in their minds, it's a hard adjustment.
I guess by living through my character and seeing things through my eyes is sort of a stress reliever.
For once, they can be someone else, and distort the reality they've become all too familiar with.

So this, Ciel Phantomhive, is much more than a screen name or a character,
It's a new perspective on life.
Is there a hint of hope?
Well that's the one thing my writer has that I don't.
Maybe the voices will go away once they have me to deal with them instead.

With that being said, I have something to tell my butler.

Perhaps I will never know what happened to my parents, but I will know what will happen to my writer.
Once the trauma stops,
My soul is yours.
Other than that,
To a long "friendship."

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive