Tormented

I know I said I wouldn't post negative blogs,

But I have to get this off of my chest.

Yesterday was horrible for me.

I've never felt more irritated in my entire life.

It's almost too much to bear, and remembering it will just make me feel worse.

However,

A good friend of mine said its good to keep a journal to let out your feelings.

So, I'm giving it a try.

I just can't stand the fact...

The fact that...

*Shudders*

National Cat Day is a thing.

They are such repulsive creatures!

Why do we choose to celebrate such arrogant animals that only care for themselves instead of their masters?!

Sebastian is an idiot for loving them.

AND 

I just found out that PEOPLE HAVE DRAWN ME AS A NEKO!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE?!

THEY'RE LITERALLY CAT PEOPLE!

Honestly! You fandoms make me sick!

I am so disappointed that you would insult me in such a way.

Especially your KING of all people.

Little pawns, it's time that you learned how to truly respect your master.

As a punishment for humiliating me in such a way,

The Halloween Ball I was planning will be cancelled.

Unless you show me your true loyalty, you will be sitting sad and alone, thinking about what could've been.

Next time, I won't be so lenient.

Bow to your King.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

P.S. I change my mind about cancelling the ball. I'm just going to shoot everyone instead.

A Terrible Person

How peculiar,

Here I am, typing up a blog about how I'm a terrible person,

And two little ladies managed to cheer me up.

Well, here it goes.

It started when someone messaged me and asked if I was okay. Then they went on about how I inspire them with these blogs,

And I was so grateful,

Until one thought crossed my mind.

I'm not a good person 

A lot of guilt caught up with me and I dwelled on it a lot more than I should've.

I stole @LordCiel's butler, knowing there was the slightest possibility that their relationship could be patched.

I replaced two Lizzie's because they weren't online when it was convenient for me.

I've made people angry and cry with this account.

I judge people before I get to know them.

I'm so easily irritated by people and I just pick at their flaws. My biggest fear is that when we all die, people will know what I've thought or said about them.

I'm a terrible person.

And the only thing that keeps me from collapsing under the guilt is that I'm only human.

Humans.

They're a despicable race if you ask me.

Mark Twain once wrote an essay about man being the lower animal.

Mankind claims to be at the top of the chain and every creature bows down to them.

However

In the animal kingdom, animals will do whatever it takes to survive, even to the point of death.

Which brings up the point of hunt.

Animals hunt for survival and to feed their families,

While men merely hunt for sport.

They kill without a thought

And for what?

A trophy?

A sense of pride?

Man will do anything to ensure dominance over others.

Man are also animals,

But the threshold is the fact that humans are gifted to know the difference between right and wrong.

I think we have failed to realize that it's a natural instinct to give into the wrong. It's easy to be bad and it's easy to not try.

So, when we do something wrong, it isn't always intentional.

We have the capability to do something about it, and the capacity to recognize our wrongdoings.

We are given overpowering emotions and feelings to drive us to do the right thing.

Mankind is the lower animal, but we always have the choice to redeem ourselves.

So if you ever have a day where you feel like the most despicable specimen on the planet, remember that you're not.

No one is perfect,

Not even Death the Kid.

Sorry man.

Before I conclude, I'd like to thank everyone for the love and support. It means a lot for you guys to check in on me and say such inspiring things to me. I still want to create a utopian RP world for everyone, and to know that I've helped to some degree when I feel like I've done so much wrong really, really makes me feel overjoyed.

Also, thanks for helping me reach 700 followers.

Let me know what you would like for a gift.

I love you all,

And I bid you goodnight.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

The Fight

Hello there.

My apologies for not writing these blogs lately.

To be honest, I haven't really had anything to write about.

Nothing exciting has happened lately so I've been kind of lacking.

So, I decided to write about that, and maybe a little bit about my writer.

I feel like nothing exciting has happened because I merely haven't reached out. Things were fun a few months ago, but now my social circle has been slowly shrinking to about 2-5 people.

Compared to having 5 different RPs going on at once, this is bad.

So, instead of waiting for people to reach out to me, I should reach out to them. I will start random RPs from now on. I will ask first of course, but if I want excitement, then I need to start it.

I guess that can be a life lesson.

But I'll make my point later.

My writer has had a rough week. They've been having panic attacks everyday, yesterday they were depressed and mad, and lately things have seemed kind of, well, pointless. There's really no motivation anymore.

I'd also like to apologize for any recent behavior of mine. I've been a little rude lately, a lot more than usual, so I hope you can forgive me for my inappropriate behavior.

As far as me, well, my writer, personally, I have felt nothing more than emptiness. I just feel mad at everyone, I feel afraid to be in touch with my real feelings. I feel like I've started to withdraw and conceal myself from others.

I didn't realize this until a friend of mine asked me why I don't open up.

I always thought it was because I never really had the opportunity to,

But in reality,

I'm afraid to.

What if I just let everything out at once? I may not be able to handle those feelings. I found it was better to just ignore them, but they're always nagging at me like some form of guilt.

Why do I always feel guilty and wrong?

Am I making bad choices?

Am I a bad person?

No,

I just won't let anyone in to help me, because I'm afraid of the aftermath.

Now, as far as my life lesson I mentioned earlier.

If I want excitement, motivation, and drive to do what I want, I need to go out and find it.

I can't wait for things to magically get better, I need to take the initiative to make things better.

If I'm turning away from myself and others, then I need to face those things and connect myself to the world and my life again.

The same can go for you.

If you aren't happy with the way things are, it's up to you to make them better.

We aren't children anymore. We can't depend on others around us to fix everything and make it okay. We need to do it ourselves.

And if we never learn the skills to do that,

How can we make everything okay for the children of our own?

It's scary as Hell,

Believe me, I know,

But life is meant to be Hell-like. 

It will tear us down and rid us of our hope,

But the test is how we overcome it and make our own personal Heavens on Earth. 

Sorry if this was a little depressing, but I've said all that I've needed to say.

Have a wonderful weekend my loyal pawns.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Lean on Me

Let's see, today, I've done nothing but give out advice and listen to people's troubles.

Which is all fun, you know, 

But

It hurts me because sometimes there is literally nothing I can do to help you.

The most I could ever do is listen and talk. I really don't know how much of an impact that has on others, but I don't feel like it's much.

But I want to make something clear.

Never hesitate to come to me about something.

For some reason, I like you all.

I enjoy your company and I've made friends.

I must return the favor to you and do everything I can to make you feel joy.

Not really to make me happy,

But because you deserve to be happy.

People never get what they deserve though.

Good people get harassed and abused.

Bad people get a pretty reputation.

It's all fun and games until the very end when you realize that none of it ever mattered in the first place, and who you become is what's more important than the image you make for yourself.

I'm sorry to cut this blog short and that it doesn't make sense, but, I just wanted to say this one thing.

Whether it's hell or high water.

I will remain your constant friend.

Now, little pawns, be good to your king and listen to this song:

http://youtu.be/KEXQkrllGbA

Enjoy it.

That's an order.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

Dark Clouds on a Clear Day

You honestly never know what someone is going through.

Before they openly tell you what haunts them, they always hide a dark past behind that fake smile.

Sort of like how we all hide behind our roleplay characters.

It's easy to curse and cut on someone if you're a different person,

But honestly,

Could your admin do the same thing?

Well?

If you're arguing I'm going to call you stupid because you're yelling at a blog post that can't talk back.

And now you feel ridiculous.

Hah.

What a laugh.~

Honestly though,

There's always that one thing that pokes and prods us until we crack.

It whispers to us.

Those whispers echo.

And under the pressure we break.

If I may ask, what's keeping you from getting rid of the problem?

Are you afraid of losing?

Perhaps you're afraid of getting hurt?

Or maybe you're just afraid of being wrong.

You may not be wrong, but there is always that one part of you that questions it. 

"What if you really are wrong?"

"What if I'm just thinking too much?"

"What if I'm humiliated, and I deserve it?"

I can tell you right now, those that are wrong are those that act thinking they are always right.

Whoever haunts you probably thought that they did nothing to offend you,

When it's really quite the opposite.

Right now, your number one priority, is to face the fears within you.

Perhaps you are meant to show this person that they are wrong?

Maybe you're the one that sets them straight in the end.

But I beg that you don't let it fester.

I've let a pretty deep wound of mine fester and boil and it completely runs my life now.

I felt like it would be easier to brush off if I forgot about it,

But every once in a while, it comes back, and I feel so much unease that this problem will never be solved because all I do is run away from it.

It will take some time to solve your problems completely,

But the least you can do right now, is to absolutely swear that you are a person, and not a problem.

Don't let it ruin the beautiful person that you are.

Don't let it do that to you.

If you do, then it wins.

And if you ever feel alone, you know, you aren't.

Not really.

Everyone goes into a battle with an army,

You just need to recruit your soldiers (friends family, or me)

And prepare your weapons (your talents, your courage, and your strength).

It's been a good day.

No matter where you are,

The world looked so beautiful.

So when it feels like the day takes a turn for the worse,

It was never like that to begin with, and it can always straighten out its course.

And remember one more thing:

In the midst of the woods, enshrouded in darkness, shaken by the thunder and the blinded by flashes of lightning, all the monsters end up being just trees.

I love you all, and I hope I was able to provide for you pawns.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

Blame

Humanity makes me sick.

I honestly don't understand people anymore.

Here I am, minding my own business, and I come across this riddle.

Some people point to me

Noble people take me

Some people pass me

And others play my game 

What am I?

Well, it's something like that.

Want a minute to guess?

It's okay, I'll wait...

*

**

***

****

*****

******

*******

********

*********

**********

*********

********

*******

******

*****

****

***

**

*

...Did you figure it out?

If not, you're kind of stupid.

//Ciel, mind your manners.

Well the answer is the name of the blog.

//Well I wouldn't have gotten it.

That's because you're stupid.

//-_-...just finish your stupid blog.

Oh yes.

Anyway, taking the blame.

There aren't very many people willing to take the blame anymore because they not only lack the courage but they lack the moral.

I was on one of my other Twitter accounts and read all about how someone is starving themselves because of one of my friends.

Now I am one that likes to get both sides of every story,

But guys,

That's not cool.

You don't blame people for things like suicide and starvation.

Yes, you can blame them for feeling hurt,

But you can't blame them for the choices YOU decide to make.

It isn't fair and it isn't courteous.

That's another thing,

Don't let people get to you.

People are people.

They are obligated to say and do what we want,

However,

I feel like conformity is the new trend.

I literally can't stand up for others or what I believe in because it's "wrong" or "politically incorrect."

I know I'm not alone here.

I know some of you feel the exact same way.

The one advice I can give you is to never compromise your standards.

If you embrace your true self, then many doors will open up to you besides the one everyone expects you to take.

I honestly just don't give a damn about how people view me anymore.

What's more important is how I view myself.

Am I being the person I want to be?

Am I doing good to anyone?

Am I doing bad to anyone?

Am I living up to my morals and expectations?

That's what matters to me.

And I hope one day that all of you will find your foundation and stand firm in it.

You wouldn't want to disappoint your king now would you?

That's what I thought~

Until next time my pawns.

Your Earl of Sweets 

Ciel Phantomhive 

My Renaissance

Good evening pawns.

My writer has had a rough time lately with their beliefs.

You see, they are basically one of the only kids at school that believe what they do and it's hard to express their opinion without getting shot down.

So in English, when once again, their opinion got shot down, they decided to write a little poem.

Note that this isn't meant to offend or target anyone in particular,

There's been a lot of factors that have contributed to this.

Things like, well, school, and people slamming the things that I believe in, and I can't argue back because then somehow I'd be the one at fault.

Anyway, we have been learning about the Harlem Renaissance and going into depth with it, so this poem is called "My Renaissance."

I just have to get of off of my chest.

Here goes nothing:

My Renaissance

 

I'm not a perfect person

I've known since I was young

I will say hurtful things

And I will mean none of them

I'll praise, flatter, and compliment

I'll do what you tell me to do

But somehow I was offensive 

When I was trying to honor you

You call me the worst of things

And I'll tell you that it's fine

But if I misuse one term

You'll rip out my spine

I honestly don't care who you are

A person is a person to me

I just don't understand why

No one sees what I see.

There was a time when art was dominant

Around every turn

Along with math and science

There was always something to learn

A few centuries later

Amongst prejudice and critique

People of color came

And redefined art on Beale Street

Those are the only two

I know of at this time

But if I could have a moment

I'd like to tell you about mine

I could say what I want

And speak what I feel

I won't have to put on a show

I can express what is real

Whether you're gay, lesbian, straight 

Or whoever you feel you are

I'll accept you if you accept me

Is that really so hard?

If you're black, red, yellow

Or your history stands bold

I'll respect you if you respect me

We all have hearts of gold

So now that I've explained

A little bit about my Renaissance 

The one thing that I want the most

Just once, I won't do something wrong

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

Standing Strong

Hello Pawns,

I accidentally logged on Twitter because I kept getting this chain message.

Turns out it was a farce,

And I managed to get engaged in an RP

Actually a few RPs

So I couldn't log off.

However, I will not be available Sunday's.

I will be available through DM but only if you need something, it's an emergency, you miss me, or you need life long advice. Other than that, no RPing.

Why Ciel?

Why are you leaving us behind for a whole day.

Well here's why:

My writer has been getting a lot of grief for "wasting their life" and "becoming a satanist because of all the demonic anime," so it kind of got to them.

Sunday's will be when they're going to be a good little boy/girl and do their bible study so they won't be a satanist.

I'm kind of exaggerating, but then again I'm really not.

You see, the world we live in is dark, cruel, scary, and profane.

There's a lot of bad media and it's hard to avoid it because it's literally around every turn.

Especially on Twitter.

And, my writer is a generally kind person. Or at least they were until they were fed up with everyone. There are days when my words aren't the kindest outside of RP, and I wasn't always like that.

But then again, some of us need tough love in order to get the point across.

Life doesn't give us sugar coated trials.

But it doesn't excuse my actions. I was taught to speak to others with kindness, an open mind, and a charitable heart. So I make it my priority to show love and comfort before I say what you may or may not want to hear.

Finally,

I'm going to stand up for what I believe in more.

Again, there's a lot of bad media out there, media that tries to pull me away from what I've worked so hard for. I follow rules and guidelines so that I can speak with kindness and a happy nature, but there are a lot of depressing things and things I find offensive.

So that's why I'm taking a day off.

I have worked hard to resist my temptations and I'm not about to let down my guard. While I love escaping to my perfect internet life, I need to return to reality now and then. I've literally made a deity out of my phone, laptop, and social media. I miss out on a lot of wonderful things that happen right in front of me.

There are times when I must simply put real life before my beloved fantasies. 

I also encourage you to stand up for what you know is right.

There are things that seem hopeless and may cause us to waiver, but you've seen recovery stories of those who have gone off the deep end and came back completely reborn.

You see, we have trials to make us better, not bitter.

And I have allowed myself to become bitter over the action of one person.

That's another thing.

I encourage you to let go of grudges.

I promise you that they aren't healthy.

They make you sick, it runs your life, and it prevents you from growing as a person.

Forgive and forget, because to not forgive is the greater sin.

One more thing before I close.

Each and everyone of you is important. You have love coming to you from every corner whether or not you know it. At times you will feel alone, scared, depressed, and inadequate, but all you have to do is open your heart and let others in to help you.

And if you disagree,

Realize that I will always have my arms around you,

Because no matter what, you'll always be surrounded by my love.

And every single one of you means the absolute world to me and I want to do everything I can do to make sure that you are all happy and that you are all taken care of.

A king may have his pawns

But his first priority is to care for his kingdom.

To every one of you,

I beg and plead that you don't give up.

In order to see the rainbow, you have to get through the rain.

It's hard, believe me, I know.

But you have the choice to either dwell on the things that are holding you down and causing you hurt,  or move on with your head held high, to build a better life

For yourself.

Change begins with you.

Now, I love you all so very much.

I may not be on tomorrow because I have to study for an exam,

But I'll make sure I log on at least once in the evening.

With that, I bid you farewell for now.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

 

Shabu-Shabu

Hello my pawns.

I hope your day was well.

Mine was...boring.

I got sick again so I didn't really do much. I almost didn't do a blog but I realized I actually did learn something.

First of all, don't take things to personally.

Sebastian got into a huge fight over one little tweet. It really wasn't too big of a deal. They made up, but I still need to say this.

If someone offends you, don't offend the person right away.

Message them saying that your feelings got hurt and I'm sure you'll find that they either didn't mean it or they need to get something off of their chest.

Don't cause unnecessary fights.

Now, what else did I learn?

In a different RP website, I was with Sebastian and some of his friends. We made this dumb dish called Shabu-Shabu. Apparently it is a Japanese dish with thin meat and vegetables all boiled and dipped in sauce.

It wasn't too bad if I say so myself.

But it was nice just to sit around the table with friends eating some strange dish, especially with friends you were "fighting" with.

So, I guess what I mean to say is that sometimes we all just need to get together with people we either love, hate, or love and hate and just share some meal. It's a good way to get along with others, whether you like them or not.

Perhaps I'll invite over some people for dinner tomorrow.

So whenever you get in a fight, just prepare Shabu-Shabu with each other and stop fighting for a minute.

I'm sure you'll like it,

And each other for once.

...That's really all I have for now.

Let's hope something dramatic happens tomorrow.

Sleep well, pawns.

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive 

Happy Birthday Sebastian

Hello loyal pawns.

How are you doing this fine morning? 

I would've written this blog last night, but writer dear was very...tired.

Still no excuse.

That moron.

Anyway. Yesterday was my loyal butler's birthday, so I wanted to make a special blog for him.

I'll start with this poem I wrote:

Sebastian is stupid

Sebastian is dumb 

Sebastian is clueless

And Sebastian is scum

However, he is nice

To everyone he meets

He will never think twice

When it comes to meeting my needs

While I always say mean things

And I probably will until the end 

He's the wind under my wings 

And he's my...best friend

Stupid writer.

I hate Sebastian!

//no you don't.

Yes! I do!

//you're secretly obsessed with him and everyone knows it.

Nuh-uh! Don't make up such lies!

//think about it, you're so possessive over him, you got mad when everyone else bought him a cat when you wanted to be the one to do it, and you make him do dumb things to get his attention.

I do not! Honestly where do you come up with such ridiculous things???

//*smirks* well I'm the one that makes you do them.

...

........

...............

...I hate you so much

//hmhm, you're freakin' adorable~

I'M NOT ADORABLE!!!

//Riiight~

//Anyway, should we conclude, I know you have more to say than some dumb poem.

Oh, yes.

Sebastian,

I'm honestly very happy I made the random decision to find you on Twitter. I remember looking for the perfect butler and when I came across you I knew that you were the one.

N-Not in that sense!!!

...Anyway, I'm so glad that we have become good friends and that we have that personal connection as RPers.

And I know I'm not the only one who thinks this,

But you are absolutely genuine.

Happy Birthday Sebastian.

Enjoy your crazy cat lady starter kit~

Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive

 

P.S. My dumb writer thought this picture was "uber cute."

//shut up...#galactichug

P.P.S. THERE WILL BE NO YAOI, MANISHA!