Death is Peaceful

This hiatus of mine is ridiculous.

I've been upset over nothing, and pushing my friends away because I selfishly avoid Twitter so I can wallow in my self pity.

Horrible person I am.

It's been a long time since I've been on my other RP accounts, and I know I've let some people down.

I've had these constant thoughts about dying so I wouldn't be a bother to anyone anymore.

The epitome of peace is death, and there is nothing I wish for more than to satisfy that craving of my mind and body to be completely and utterly lifeless.

However,

My spirit is terrified of death, and while I just want a taste, I know that nothing will be sweeter and everything else will be bland.

But how long will it take before death becomes bland to me?

I can only understand what it means for something to be sweet if I had tasted something sour and bitter.

For the past few weeks, I have become bitter in bitter situations, and sour when things are no longer sweet because I started to reflect my conflicts on the outside because I was on the threshold of giving up.

And I was wrong.

I was wrong for thinking I can just run away from my problems.

It was wrong for me to believe the words my demons whisper for me.

I was wrong for faltering away from the advice I give out so freely.

I was wrong for using these blogs to complain about my life.

They are here for me to help you.

And I've been taking advantage of this power by having my own pity party.

What made Twitter and these blogs special is that I had the opportunity to help out a lot of people and share my wisdom.

And I know school keeps me busy, but I love going onto Twitter.

I love talking to my friends.

I love speaking to all of you because the world on my handheld device is more beautiful and welcoming than the one I wake up to.

So I promise, right now, on March 28, 2016, 9:47 P.M., that the Ciel Phantomhive you fantasize about, dream to meet, and wish was real will come to you. I'll go back onto my other accounts because RP is something I am passionate about.

In fact, 

I'm passionate about all of you.

My school gets out the last week of April, so I will definitely be on more when that time comes.

Continuing on that note, one of my favorite anime characters once said "If you truly want to escape the everyday, you must constantly evolve."

I need to let these hard times mold me to become better, not bitter. I know that this depression won't go away overnight, but I finally understand that the life I live, in real life and on Twitter, is a paradise. My life isn't that bad, in fact, things are good for me right now.

Just like a person walking for the first time after being in a wheelchair for a long time, I'm learning how to smile again.

And I know this smile will form quicker by committing to you all once more.

Forever Your Earl of Sweets,

Ciel Phantomhive